In my therapy, I’ve learned to understand, how bad my arguing skills were. I used to be in a debate club in high school. Unfortunately, this tends to bring my debate strategies to my private arguments, and it can be pretty unhealthy.
Private argument requires emotion regulation and you shall aim to be wise, rather than to win the argument or to be right.
My therapist and family told me that I’m becoming better at this, even though there are still so many works to do. In my relationship, I now learned some signs, where I need to stop arguing and take time to calm myself; like yelling, cursing and hyperventilating.
Conflict avoided is conflict multiplied.
- Jordan Peterson
One thing that I also learned is: You can’t fully avoid conflict. You should be brave enough to tell your reality and accept other’s reality, even if it’s so absurd for you. This is easier to write than practice. Even those, who practice for long time, will have problems with this sometimes. A conflict can mean many things: Misunderstanding, Unhealthy Mindset, and much more. Being able to communicate properly in healthy manners and differentiate judgements and facts can help a lot in difficult situations.
😐 What is your pattern on arguing: avoid conflict or face conflict? How do you deal with your pattern?
I wish you a great week!